Wellbeing tip #12: Practice self-compassion

A monthly series where I’ll offer some suggestions for tools and strategies that can help with our well-being.

Each one of us is different, and what one person finds helpful, may not resonate with others. 

We may find that what has helped previously, may not be connecting with us in the same way in the present.

Or you may have a well-established set of tools that are ‘tried and trusted’, but you’d like to add some more.

It is my hope that these tips will give you some ideas. 

December: self-compassion

Christmas and New Year, and December in general, is usually promoted as being a time of celebration.

A time of gatherings, reunions, festivity and merriment.

However, it can also be a time of busyness.  Of spreading ourselves between everyday ‘life’, increased socialising, a larger than usual ‘to-do’ list and expectation or pressure.

It can feel overwhelming, stressful, and our energy battery can start to feel depleted.

It can also be a time of sadness.

A time of loneliness.

A time when emotions and circumstances feel magnified.

Where we might be more inclined to look outwards, and compare, perhaps leading to thoughts of wondering why our lives don’t look like the adverts, or why we don’t have the stories of social nights out that others regale us with.

Or out thoughts might turn to those no longer here, remembering and missing, both with fondness and sadness.

Or wondering what the new year may bring, perhaps with anxiety and trepidation depending on what challenges the past 12 months has brought or what is going on currently in our lives.

The reality is that the festivities of December don’t magically eliminate the challenges of everyday life.

Whilst potentially being a time of joy, it can also be a time of multiple and complex emotions, perhaps accentuated – viewed in HD with surround sound.

It can have an impact on our physical health as well as our emotional wellbeing.

It therefore seems apt that this months wellbeing tip, is to practice self-compassion (or being kind to yourself).

It might sound simple, but it can be surprisingly difficult to actually do.

We find reasons that we can’t take the time, or pause, even if only for a moment.

We prioritise the needs or want of others, sometimes moving our own to the side, such as saying ‘yes’ when we want to say ‘no’.

We listen to the internal voice that tells us (with seemingly increased volume during December) what we ‘should’ be doing or reminds us of the expectations either of others or that we place on ourselves.

We find ways to shoehorn commitments into an already full diary.

All of which, can be exhausting, and before you know it, January arrives, and we feel exhausted and struggling to put one foot in front of the other to move into the new year, or feeling the ‘overhang’ in ways such as financial pressure from December spend, or struggling to catch up with those things that we put to one side the previous month.

So how can we combat this?

How can we find a way to make space for ourselves in December?

To be kind to ourselves and ease the pressure that we place on ourselves.

To care for, and nurture ourselves, even when it feels impossible.

Here are some practical tips:

• Establish and protect boundaries – this can cover many things, including learning to say ‘no’ so as to prevent us overstretching ourselves, or committing to things that we actually don’t want to do, or do no serve us.  However, it does not always feel an easy thing to do, particularly if trying it for the first time, and doing it at a time when it can feel like there are even more requirements and expectations than usual.  If that is the case, other ways of establishing and implementing boundaries might be prioritising ‘you time’ or self-care, by booking slots in your diary and treating them like non-negotiable meetings.  For example, ‘Sunday morning quiet time’, ‘reading hour’, ‘gym session’, or ‘walk’.  If you have regular hobbies/activities that you do and enjoy, you can also ensure that these are in the diary as a non-negotiable, so that they do not get lost in amongst the December busyness, thereby giving you space just for you.

• If you find mantras helpful, you can create a new phrase, or adapt a pre-existing one, for you to use during the festive period.  For example, ‘I give myself permission to pause and rest’, ‘I am enough’, ‘I am doing the best I can with what I have right now’.  Reciting an affirmation, either internally or out loud in the morning, can set you up for the day, and repeating one during the day, or an event, can also help support.  At the end of the day, you can write a list of what you have achieved during the day, no matter how small or large, so that you can look back and reflect positively on the day.  You can also attach a mantra/affirmation to this task, such as ‘I am enough.  I have done enough. I have achieved’.

• Use the ‘friend test’ – if you find yourself criticising or questioning yourself, ask yourself, ‘would I say this to a friend or loved one’? or ‘what would I say if it was a friend or loved one thinking/saying this about themselves’? 

• 5-minute emotion check-in – set aside a few moments, to pause and check-in with yourself.  Ask yourself, ‘what am I feeling right now’?  Notice where you feel it in your body, and then ask yourself, ‘what do I need right now?’  Whilst it may be tempting to then put what you need to one side (e.g. ‘I can’t, I’m too busy’, or ‘I will after…’), try to prioritise it, or if not possible straight away, schedule it in for later that day, thereby giving yourself a signal that you have noticed, and listened.  Importantly, then ensure that you follow it up and action it later as planned!

• Practice body mindfulness – similar to above, take a moment to pause and notice any places in your body where you might be holding tension, tiredness, or other emotions, and allows yourself to relax into it.  For example, if you notice tightness or tension in your shoulders, take a moment to pause, breathe into it, loosen or lower your shoulders.  You can also use the breath to assist with this, or other methods such as yoga, exercise, or meditation. Past wellbeing tips touch on tools such as this, so why not look back through previous blog posts for ideas or to refresh!

December can also bring financial pressures and be a source of stress or tension. 

A tip for bringing self-kindness or compassion to this is to review your available finance, and budget for things during December, such as a having a ‘gift pot’ or ‘social pot’, thereby enabling you to do things within your means over the month. 

You can also set a limit on spend for gifts, or consider alternative ways of gifting, such as ‘secret santa’ style where everyone pulls a name out and only buys for their selected person, with a set amount for spend, that is comfortable for all, or an agreement that only certain demographics, such as children, will be bought for this year. 

You can also consider gifts such as those which are handmade or sentimental, which whilst being inexpensive, have significant meaning and thought behind them. 

So, this December, remember to practice compassion and kindness to yourself, in amongst everything else that is happening around you.

Practice kindness and compassion towards others too. 

Just like an advent calendar, we don’t always know what is behind the door, so whilst it may look sparkly and festive, the reality might be sadness or loneliness, or stress and overwhelm, to name just a few.

Reach out, and you may find that it not only eases or makes a difference in someone else’s day, but it might in yours too.

I hope you have enjoyed this year’s monthly wellbeing tips.

I’ve enjoyed writing them for you, and I hope that you have found them useful.

See you in 2026 for more musings, exploring and reflections!